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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Dealing with the loss of my dog and slowly allowing myself to embrace the next chapter in my life….Motherhood

   Lucky (my beloved dog) has been gone for more than 2 months. More than a year ago, I was told by his vet that Lucky had only 3 or 6 more months to live. I knew he was going to leave me soon and I thought all that emotional preparation would have made a little bearable for me. Well….that was what I thought but I was devastated when Lucky passed away.

   After Lucky’s death, I’ve just been a walking emotional zombie. He was the light of my life. He was like a child to me. He followed me around the house like a child. He would sit near the kitchen door when I cooked. Sometimes he would doze off on the door mat. I miss everything about him. I miss our morning walk. I miss carrying him in my hand.  I miss speaking to him. I miss teasing him. I miss taking care of him. Beef gravy is our favourite dish. But for now I just avoid cooking this dish.

   Dealing with Lucky’s death has been one of the hardest things that I’ve gone through. Both my mother and my husband gently reminded me that death is part of the life cycle and my grief might have a negative effect on my unborn child. This is my first pregnancy and needless to say, it has been quite a trying time. I pray hard for the well-being of my baby as well as not forgetting to look after myself both emotionally and physically. I’m sure Lucky would not want anything happen to my baby as well. I still could remember Lucky’s curious look at my baby’s first ultrasound image before gently touching it with the tips of his nose. Then looking up at me and gave me that happy look.  

   The only reason I found it comforting in dealing with the death of my beloved Lucky is that he had a happy and good life with us for the past 16 years. Those sweet memories that we had shared will always be remembered as I’m slowly allowing myself to embrace the next chapter in my life…Motherhood!

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