Dealing with the loss of my dog and slowly allowing myself to embrace the next chapter in my life….Motherhood
Lucky (my beloved dog) has been gone for more than 2
months. More than a year ago, I was told by his vet that Lucky had only 3 or 6
more months to live. I knew he was going to leave me soon and I thought all that
emotional preparation would have made a little bearable for me. Well….that was
what I thought but I was devastated when Lucky passed away.
After Lucky’s death, I’ve just been a walking
emotional zombie. He was the light of my life. He was like a child to me. He
followed me around the house like a child. He would sit near the kitchen door
when I cooked. Sometimes he would doze off on the door mat. I miss everything
about him. I miss our morning walk. I miss carrying him in my hand. I miss speaking to him. I miss teasing him. I
miss taking care of him. Beef gravy is our favourite dish. But for now I just
avoid cooking this dish.
Dealing with Lucky’s death has been one of the hardest
things that I’ve gone through. Both my mother and my husband gently reminded me
that death is part of the life cycle and my grief might have a negative effect
on my unborn child. This is my first pregnancy and needless to say, it has been
quite a trying time. I pray hard for the well-being of my baby as well as not
forgetting to look after myself both emotionally and physically. I’m sure Lucky
would not want anything happen to my baby as well. I still could remember Lucky’s
curious look at my baby’s first ultrasound image before gently touching it with
the tips of his nose. Then looking up at me and gave me that happy look.
The only reason I found it comforting in dealing with
the death of my beloved Lucky is that he had a happy and good life with us for the
past 16 years. Those sweet memories that we had shared will always be remembered
as I’m slowly allowing myself to embrace
the next chapter in my life…Motherhood!
